


The very bad, terrible, no good first few days of Junior SID Agent Dokugamine Riruka

by Starrie_Wolf



Category: Bleach
Genre: Crossover Bingo, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Don't copy to another site, Humor, Ichigo as the SID chief, M/M, Onmitsukidou as the Dixing administration's enforcers, UraIchi Prompt Challenge #4, outsider pov, 镇魂 | Guardian (TV) fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21833611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starrie_Wolf/pseuds/Starrie_Wolf
Summary: Sometimes, Dokugamine Riruka wishes she could go back to her 22-year-old self and tell her to choose another department, any other department, she’s got the grades to take her pick.
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 7
Kudos: 215
Collections: Crossover Bingo, UraIchi Prompt Challenge #4





	The very bad, terrible, no good first few days of Junior SID Agent Dokugamine Riruka

**Author's Note:**

> UraIchi Event Prompt Challenge #4  
> Prompt: 027. Crossovers & Fandom Fusions
> 
> CROSSover Bingo Round 1  
> Bleach x Guardian

The Special Investigation Department, the most premier Special Operations division in Haixing Bureau. Only the cream of the crop at the Police Academy each year may apply, and even then the acceptance rate is less than five percent.

Sometimes, Dokugamine Riruka wishes she could go back to her 22-year-old self and tell her to choose another department, any other department, she’s got the grades to take her pick. Nothing, not the prestige, not the top-secret missions, not the knowledge that she’s hand-picked by the best of best – _nothing_ is worth having to endure this every day.

* * *

_Her first day…_

Whatever Riruka had expected, it wasn’t _this_.

“ _You’re_ my boss?” she shrieked, barely sparing a thought to be grateful that they were in a soundproofed office. “You’re, like, fifteen!” If she’d known the real reason why Chief Kurosaki Ichigo was such a mysterious recluse in the eye of the public was because he looked like a fifteen-year-old boy…

Chief Kurosaki, leaning against his desk, did not look impressed by her outburst. “Actually, I’m thirty-nine.”

“ _No way_ ,” she was quick to retort. If there was a power in this world that let you look half your age, somebody would have bottled it and put it on the market already.

Chief Kurosaki had the gall to roll his eyes. “I’m sure you’re aware that the people of Dixing age slower than those from Haixing,” he said, almost pointedly.

“Well, yes, of course – ten times slower,” she responded on autopilot. That was basic knowledge everyone learnt at the Academy. But even if he was implying what she thought he was, he didn’t look like a four-year-old.

“Well, it turns out that having a father from Dixing and a mother from Haixing means you fall somewhere in the middle.” Chief Kurosaki thumped a stack of documents on the desk. “Now get out of my office, Inoue in HR needs these in duplicate.”

* * *

_Her second day…_

There was a hush in the reception area as Riruka walked into the SID. Her steps faltered for a moment, eyeing the quiet bustle, the way everyone seemed to be conspicuously skirting around the edges of the room instead of walking through the centre.

“Oh, it’s just that the Black-Cloaked Envoy is coming, so we need to leave a space for his portal,” her deskmate, Kojima Mizuiro explained when she asked.

The Black-Cloaked Envoy! Riruka shuddered. The bane of any Dixing renegade’s existence, the main enforcer of the Dixing administration’s will, the monster under the bed in all the rumours circulating the Academy. As with any Dixing individual, he was several centuries old, and therefore wielded powers and wisdom she could scarcely comprehend.

He was coming _here_?

Riruka didn’t think they had a Dixing prisoner at the moment, but it could just be that she hadn’t been fully briefed yet.

As if summoned by her thoughts, there was a sudden drop in temperature, and an indigo portal swirled into existence in the middle of the reception area. Riruka resisted the urge to duck under her table, surreptitiously rubbing her arms for warmth. Next to her, Kojima simply pulled a hoodie on and went back to his typing, like this was _normal_.

The Black-Cloaked Envoy swept through the front room, little gusts of icy wind billowing in his wake. Riruka eyed him surreptitiously, pretending to type at her computer. Despite his title, his colour scheme wasn’t pure black as she’d expected. There was the eponymous black cloak, of course, but the hem was patterned with white diamonds.

Most of the Dixing populace wore robes due to the lower ambient temperature in their dimension, she remembered from her classes. The Black-Cloaked Envoy was no different, dressed in a loose robe of muted green, the sleeves reaching all the way to his wrists. His wooden clogs clicked on the polished marble surface as he strode forwards, his weapon – in the form of a deceptively-fragile-looking wooden cane – hooked around one arm.

Try as she might, she couldn’t get a good look at his face past the silver half-mask he was wearing.

The door to the inner office opened, and Chief Kurosaki leaned out.

“Hey, Hat-and-Clogs!”

Riruka swore she could feel her soul leave her body a little.

* * *

_Her third day…_

Riruka slunk into the pantry, intent upon the coffee maker. It was her third day, and she was already exhausted – who knew even a junior agent had so much work to do? She took a long draught of her coffee, put the mug down, and then slapped her cheeks. She was going to… well, the time for first impressions was over, but at the very least she could strive to do better!

She would later deny the high-pitched squeak came from her when she turned around to find the Black-Cloaked Envoy sitting at the table, placidly drinking tea. Did he see –

Well, he was neither blind nor deaf, so of course he would’ve seen her, Riruka reasoned to herself as she fled.

“Oh my god, why is he still here,” she whimpered, once she was back at her seat. This was definitely out of a Dixing person’s hearing range, right?

“Because Chief Kurosaki is his husband?” Without looking at her, Kojima took a fresh stack of documents from their shared in-tray and dropped it on her side of the desk. “By the way, these are the follow-up forms from HR. Inoue wants me to remind you to finish them before lunch.”

Riruka stared at the pile, her brain attempting to reboot itself after the latest revelation. She needed more coffee to deal with all this. Reaching over to her coaster, her hand grasped air, and only then did she realise –

“ _I left my coffee back there!_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> [cywscross's UraIchi Discord server](https://discordapp.com/invite/ADFnKTZ#_=_) | [Starrie's fic sneak preview server](https://discord.gg/8yJVmbD) | [Starrie's Tumblr](http://starriewolf.tumblr.com/)


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